WHO AM I?

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. - AL I:40

93

I am always mystified at how society can be so tolerant of the sexcapades between young people on TV, reality shows, movies, music videos etc but dare an artists like myself come out with anything ‘sexual’ then I'm classified as a pervert and often shunned, or ridiculed. My artwork, paintings and photographs have always been very erotic; rooted in sexual, metaphysical and magickal symbology; some claim bordering on perversity with a touch of immoral and depraved humor but to me my work is simply bathed in the beauty of that which I was born; or not, as in the case of the female form. There is an overbearing sense, as with everything that I do, that the underlying nature of my very existence is rooted in my quest not only of Self but of my opposite. In the early-seventies when I performed in the magickal and experimental theatre our work bordered on theatrical satire, perversity and adolescent experimentation with our bodies in dramatic group settings on a stage. We were never ashamed of our bodies; nor of what motivated us; we learned by listening, we learned by acting out the taboos that society in Puritanical New England had forces upon us. I guess you don’t get so into artistic portrayal of bodily parts as I do unless you’ve practiced a lot and to me; anyone can have sex but few really know how to play ... theater taught me magick.

Although I am very religious in my beliefs toward God, I believe in no single faith. I adhere strongly to a belief in reincarnation or the transmigration of my Soul in an endless cycle of birth, life and death moving from one body into another and so forth in order to gain a multitude of experiences. I have been here before. I shall be here again and again until time is no more. I have no interest in escaping off this silly little rock that we call Earth, I enjoy it here. I take pleasure in my frivolity and experiences. I have learned that immortality is no guarantee of moralistic values. I do not live a life as dictated by others in the promise of a better afterlife. I take my fill of Life in the here now. Yes, here is where I commenced my earliest research; rooted in the ancient Greek axiom of ‘Know Thyself’ and I did just that, on every level.

Some might call me a Hedonist, or one who believes that pleasure is the only thing that is good for a person but I feel that I’m more of a Narcissist ... but one who lacks its generally accepted excessive traits of conceit, egotism and selfishness. Learning magick wore those negative traits down to fine dust and in the process I was left with looking at the term more from an ancient perspective of self-love. In many ways I am one with the eternal Greek youth Narcissus or the Self Admirer (Νάρκισσος) ... simply because I place myself above all else while appearing often ‘indifferent’ toward others. In truth, I have strove to understand my opposite, the eternal feminine within. In the process I have fallen in love with myself. I am like Narcissus the son of the river god Cephisus and the nymph Liriope but there are many version of his story. I like the version which maintains that he had an identical twin sister. After her death, he would to go to the sacred spring, and although he knew that the image was his own reflection in the water, he found relief ... because it reminded him of his sister. However, he inevitably fell in love with himself and losing touch with reality, he fell in and drowned. And like Narcissus, I also have looked deeply at my image in a mirror and have become obsessed with the body that I have chosen for this incarnation with all its good and bad physical qualities. Yes, I have fallen in love with myself to the point where reality has often become immaterial to me. My goal has always been my inner quest for Self. Years ago I wrote a profound statement in my diary which was true then and still true now  - “Every child is taught not to stare at the Sun or they’ll go blind. I dared to look directly at my Star and, forgetting such childhood lessons; I lost sight of my reality.”

In the ancient legends, upon his death, Narcissus changed into the flower that indirectly bears his name. Although it is occasionally called the Narcissus Flower it is more readily known as the Daffodil after the Asphodel Meadows found in the Greek Underworld; this being the middle section flank by the Elysian Fields (Heaven) and Tartarus (Hell). The central section for the ‘indifferent’ was said to be filled with beautiful yellow flowers; the Narcissus Flower.

I have little or no shame, to me the naked flesh of either sex has never been a sin and the only thing often holding me back is the fact that my Zodiac sign is Cancer. This sign is ruled by the Moon and more than any other sign, as with Narcissus in quest of his sister, it usually tries to embrace the Light of its partner’s Sun in order to become Full and happy; which means that I often mimic my partner’s proclivities before my own and on that note I have always sought a woman who wants more out of an experience. In truth, I am very emotional Water sign, the ‘sentimental fool’ of the Zodiac; but there are always two poles to the Crabs’ nature; introverted and extroverted. A Crab walks sideways. If I had to choose between sex and simply walking, holding hands and snuggling; the latter will always rule out but don’t be fooled; this Crab enjoys a healthy sexual if not perverse appetite if given half a chance. Still, my greatest stumbling block is a Cancerian shyness. It is important to remember that the Crab will easily walk or run sideways back into his hole if it feels threatened. Yes, I am a typical Cancer, a Hobbit type, who enjoys hanging around his apartment filled with treasures accumulated over a life time while simply typing on my latest article or book, or watching movies. I am surrounded by thousands of books, my own oil paintings, antiques and other toys. Although I have lived a wild and crazy life, bathed in tumultuous behavior, age has slowed me down considerably. I am not the athletic type, nor into sports. My greatest joy is simply sipping coffee at the local cafe or just walking, seeing the world around me. and finding a quiet bench on Berkeley Campus where I can read a good book and contemplate the Universe as she walks by.

Here I AM descending back across the Abyss in quest of Hadit,

shortly after having embraced the Goddess Nuit!

The language and subject matter containd on this webpage can be of a sexually explicit nature.  If you are under the age of 18 (or the age of legal majority in the jurisdiction in which you reside, whichever is greater), or if it's illegal to read or view sexually  explicit material in your area, please exit this area. Thank you..

In ending, I am a romantic and what I miss most by being single is a hand to hold, someone to cuddle and someone with whom to share a life. I have a great sense of humor, kinda twisted at times and I always look for friends who'll enjoy looking at the world sideways.

A Brief Sketch

Who am I? That's a good question. I was born in New Haven, Connecticut in 1951. Most of my interests center on forms of sex magick, the occult, ceremonial magick and writings of the infamous magician Aleister Edward Crowley (1875-1947). I have been fascinated with this man since the late 1960's. On a personal level, what else can I say about myself? I am my own boss; a poet, writer and artist by profession.

Love is the law, love under will. - AL I:57

MY STELE : California, Oakland, oil painting 18x24, January 19th, 1991. This painting portrays my personal magick as I have been working it throughout my incarnation. It is not suitable for everyone; each should learn the Laws of their Universe and work it accordingly to the sexuality that animates their incarnated vehicle.

MAYA-ILLUSIONS  a.k.a My Yokai

(New Haven, CT, oil painting 6x9 in red, June 1989)

PLEASE EXIT THE WAY YOU CAME IN